Living With The Decisions You Make

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Sometimes it’s really hard to sit back and watch people make the decisions they make, and not want to slap them upside the head. Sometimes I look back at myself from just a few years ago and wonder what the hell I was thinking. Life is so weird in that way where you just go with the flow due to the decisions you make. Just one decision can alter our world, and we have to live with it.

There’s a few people in mind where I wonder if they had chosen differently, would I still be in their life today? Or if they just saw things from my point of view, would they choose differently? I could ponder all day how different life would be if the people in my life had chosen differently, but what I know for sure is, at the end of the day, I don’t have to live with those decisions: they do.

As humans, we are full-on curious about everything, and we question everything as we should. But there are things we cannot control, and one of those things are other people’s decisions. We can try to persuade, and nudge someone in a specific direction, but if it’s not the decision you had hoped them to make, you have to live with it, just like they do, for the rest of your life. We can’t always get what we want, but we live with it, and we move forward.

Personally, I hate to see people leave my life, especially when I strongly feel like our business on this earth isn’t done. If someone does not want to be in my life, then I need to accept that. It was their decision, and that is something THEY will have to live with in their heart, for the rest of their life. Sitting back is hard when you want to slap that person and say, “What are you doing??” But guilt is real, and one day people do realize the mistakes they had made. Unfortunately, it just might take awhile.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”

Something I regret is losing a friend, because I kept a bad friend stay in my life. She advised me that this other friend was negative and mean, and just plain unhealthy for me. And she was right, and now both of them are not in my life anymore. I had lost a great friend due to the fact that I decided to keep someone close, whom I shouldn’t have. This is something I regret and will live with forever.

But the last thing I am going to say about this is: if you do realize you’ve made a mistake, then do not let pride hold you back from reaching out and trying to undo what you did. You never know if that person will welcome you back with open arms, or it might take a little barrier to get back to where things were, or it just might be too late as well. You never know, but you won’t know unless you make that decision to try. Because at the end of the day, it’s your life, and you have to live with what you’ve decided. Will you regret it?

We’re All In This Together

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Somewhere along the line women started bashing other women and vice versa with men. Secretly we all have gotten jealous and proceeded to say a horrible comment, such as, “Ugh, I hate how pretty she is.” ,or “This freakin’ bitch is so skinny, what the fuck.” (Or maybe these are just my thoughts, but I know I’m not the only one…)

Is there a reason we need to inflict insults on someone, even if its just to a friend, or think a certain way about them just because they have something you don’t have? Jealousy is not cute, and it’s something even I need to remember. It’s something I need to learn in my day-to-day life, and in my relationships. We should not have this notion in our head where we feel some sort of negative way about someone just because of their looks or how smart they are or any cool thing about them. We all really need to start learning to lift everyone up, just because! So what if she’s pretty? Who cares how skinny she is! That’s awesome if he is smart! Remind yourself to not be jealous of someone for what they have, look like, or act. Instead, just spread love and good vibes. I know I sound hippie-ish but seriously. Instead of the negative comments, how about, “Yeah she is really pretty!” or “She is skinny, good for her for being healthy!”

We need to end the the pattern of bashing each other, and know that we are all in life together. The same girl who you think is GORGEOUS, why don’t you tell her? If you think someone is super smart and intelligent? Holy shit, maybe tell them! It takes nothing to say good words, people! We are all on this earth together, and it is time to end the hate, end the shit talking, and start putting love and kindness out there. And you have no idea what that compliment might do for someone. Maybe that “beautiful” woman felt super insecure that day. I’m not saying we’re only jealous of each other’s looks, but I know how women are, and I know that we sometimes judge a women right away from what she looks like to how she talks. We really can be bitchy!

I have been getting compliments left and right about this blog, and the good words I have been receiving have been SO validating. Although I started this blog not caring who read it, and what people thought, it really is still so nice to hear the good words from everyone. So here I am, saying thank you so much for taking the time to tell me, and for lifting me up! So let’s starting doing that for everyone! Don’t hold back your compliments! Share them, and spread every ounce of positivity you have, because holy shit this world needs it, and we need to share it like a wildfire in California.

Our mentalities start with us, and we need to correct them if they are wrong. That is where we need to first start with self-reflecting. Ask yourself, am I like this? Do I do that? Even unintentionally? And then correct yourself in those moments of jealous-judging. Start correcting your friends too, but in a nice way!!! Let’s help others as we help ourselves, because we are all in this together. We are all here to help others out, just as they have done the same to us. Instead of spreading mean words, let’s guide our friends and guide ourselves to a more positive and healthier lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle starts with your mind first. Healthy mind = healthy life!

Don’t degrade yourself while lifting others up

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This one is a big one for me, and it actually makes me really sad to see it happen. Time and time again I’ll see women comment on other women’s posts or pictures with things such as, “I could never do that, good job!” or “See, this picture proves why I never want to stand next to you.”

NO NO NO NO, AND FUCK NO

I’m sorry, but I detest seeing this! If it’s a comment on one of my posts, a friend’s, or just someone else’s on social media, it makes me cringe! Do NOT tear yourself down (EVEN IF IT IS UNINTENTIONAL) to lift others up!!

“I could never do that, good job!” — who the hell said you couldn’t?? Yes you can! You can do anything!

“See, this picture proves why I never want to stand next to you. ” — I’m sorry, what? Are you degrading yourself to lift me up? Please don’t, because that’s not woman empowerment! Own yourself girl, you’re stunning!


“I’m gonna put my body first
And love me so hard ’til it hurts.” Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld

I, and no one, will take the compliment, because no one wants to see someone put themselves down! Maybe I see it wrong, but I think we are all so special, so wonderfully talented, and so uniquely beautiful. Please re-think what you comment, and I know it’s coming from a good heart, but you have to love yourself. In order to give and spread love, please start with yourself. I am such an advocate for self-love, and I want us ALL (men and women) to really grasp this concept!


“Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else
(I love me)” Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld

WE ALL HAVE FLAWS. WE ALL HAVE THINGS WE NEED TO WORK ON. BUT DO NOT TEAR YOURSELF DOWN, WHILE TRYING TO LIFT OTHERS UP. That’s not how any of this works!!

Here are some of my beautiful friends, and a picture of me for fun 🙂

Perspective: the silver lining in every situation

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Take a minute to really understand and grasp the meaning behind these pictures. These two pictures are powerful, and should serve as daily reminders that there is always a silver lining behind every difficult situation.


“Baby, don’t you know, all o’them tears gon’ come and go. Baby you just gotta make up your mind that every little thing is gonna be alright.” Be Alright- Ariana Grande

As creatures of habit, and ones that tend to find little things to bitch about, it is important to start changing your perspective and mindset for the better. Behind every hard situation is something beautiful waiting to be revealed. Take a minute to think of something you have gone through, and now think of why you’re grateful that situation happened.

In 8th grade I went through severe depression. I started counseling, my dad called the principal to see if changing schools would be the best option, and no one understood what was going on. I was in a horrible rut. I cried every day, I had no appetite, I had no desire to go to school, I was confused about life and who I was. I was scared of everything, and it was a horrible horrible time in my life. For months I was like this. BUT the silver lining that came to light was that when I came out of my depression I turned into the most outgoing, goofy, more confident little lady. Looking back, I am so glad I had to go through that to find out who I was. Obviously I didn’t learn everything about myself, but it turned me into a confident girl, ready to take on challenges that did not scare her, and I am so proud of who I was and who I turned into. The flower picture above is what describes this situation most. I BLOOMED after my depression.

I have gone through three break ups. Three heart breaks that were devastating and horrible, where my first two boyfriends really fucked me up mentally and it was so so challenging to get through those. But I learned new things about relationships, myself, what I wanted out of a guy, and re-learned how amazing I was!

“It’s like something has to die to help you realize – damn I feel alive.” Alive – Kehlani


During the hard times, find the positives! I know its hard, trust me!! But once you focus on your mentality, and focus on having a healthier mentality, you are starting the journey to a more positive lifestyle and attitude! Becoming a more positive person takes practice! It’s not a switch that you can flip, but a mentality that takes time to form and deploy in your daily life.

So start practicing! And if you’re going through a hard time right now, please know that there is something beautiful and magical awaiting to be unfolded and discovered. I STRONGLY believe that everything happens for a reason, so please continue on working on being the happy, positive person that you can be, and then life will show you kindness and love back. God gives you what you need, and He shows you what you don’t need. He teaches us these beautiful lessons, and we HAVE to trust Him.

2/1/19 was the clarity I needed

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This weekend did it for me! And before I even explain anything, just know that figuring out what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it, was definitely challenging. I have so much I want to express, and so much I want to share, that I didn’t even know what to title this. But let me just tell you: 2/1/19 was what I needed.

Sometimes after a breakup, you go through so many difficult paths, emotions, and thoughts. This one has been really challenging for me, because when I love, it’s deep and real, and loyal. But it takes awhile to get to the point where you figure out that everything really is going to be just fine without that person! And if they don’t want you in their life, then why THE FUCK would I want them in mine? It’s so simple right? But no person can fully grasp that after a break up.

I can only think of me in this situation and what is going to better MYSELF. During these almost three months, I have chosen to grow mentally, I have chosen to mature, I have chosen to eat cleaner, I have chosen to dedicate myself to the gym, and I have chosen to proceed with moving on. It took little steps, and it also took a freakin’ village, and I am so so grateful for that village of supporters. The difference about me is that I chose to reach out to my support group, and I chose to do what I needed to do to get back to happy Gab. And let me tell you, I am back to loving myself, I am back to being silly and goofy, and I am back to being the cool me that I know that I am.

In the past three months I have been to Denver twice, Florida in December, and headed to LA this coming weekend. I’m healthier mentally and physically, and guess who is looking for jobs out of state?? This girl! Woo! Is that independent enough for you? *cough cough* Guys, I am so excited for the future, and I can’t tell you enough how happy I am about life. It was dark for a bit, and emotions would be going up and down, but I am so lucky!

So cheers to a day filled with happy thoughts, well-wishes, but mainly, CHEERS TO MOVING ON. If you choose to digress, then that’s on you. My potential is unlimited, and I’m climbing baby, so watch the fuck out.


What I’ve been up to the past 3 months!

I’m trying to grow, so don’t hold me back.

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Today I woke up frustrated, disappointed, and upset. I have been growing, healing, and reflecting, and a heart can only take so much. My heart is starting to get frustrated with the rollercoaster it’s been riding lately. And I am the cause of that.

I have been working on becoming a more independent woman, who is individualistic and courageous. I have been progressing and learning so much, but sometimes I let certain individuals mentally hold me back. I am an understander, and a forgiver; a woman who likes to give chances and whose mind constantly explores the “what if’s”. But I’m starting to feel held back and I’m annoyed. I let down my guard for a second, just to start gluing the bricks right back up.

“The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth.”

Today’s self-reflection is being done with the specific people who are not trying to progress their own-selves with me, and who are also unintentionally pausing my progress as well. I am done with telling myself, “Maybe just give them more time” and coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I let people back in even though they haven’t changed. I do it to myself. I am trying to jump these mental hoops, but it’s starting to feel like a challenge when my heart says one thing, but my mind says the other. So which one do you listen to?

“Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life.”

I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m not sure what God’s bigger picture for me looks like, but I’m starting to realize that if someone isn’t progressing with me, sharing the same mentality as me on the next step in life, then maybe they should stop being able to walk into my life so easily, and I need to stop holding the door open. Life is becoming more overwhelming as the days go by, and I have so much to figure out. The last thing I need are people who confuse me and hold me back.

Today I am trying to grow, and although inside I am feeling a little defeated and sad, I know that this journey is still going to be all worth it in the end. So, if you are not on this journey with me, then please don’t hold me back.

  • DCIM\103GOPRO
  • DCIM\103GOPRO

Sometimes, I’m an a**hole.

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Ugh I know what you’re thinking: “Gabby, you’re perfect! What are you talking about?” But yes, indeed, sometimes I can be an asshole. And newsflash to the person reading this right now, you can be too. Sorry if you didn’t know, but we are all assholes! It’s literally inevitable, and even if you don’t mean to be, we all offend someone sometime in our lives.

So, sometimes I’m an asshole, and as someone who is trying to self-reflect more, in an honest way, I really know that I can be horrible sometimes. It is NEVER my goal to be mean, but I’m not perfect. Sometimes I can be mean to my co-workers, my friends, and sadly, my family. And I am so sorry to everyone. Why is it that we are so cruel to the people closest to us? In no way should we be comfortable enough to be an asshole to our loved ones or to the people we see regularly. In fact, we shouldn’t be an asshole to anyone. So seriously, why do we do it? Sometimes we realize it after the fact, and then you really feel like an asshole. But sometimes we choose to be mean, and know we are being mean in that moment.

What does it get us to be so horrible? Literally nothing. It does not achieve a goal, it does not make anyone on either side feel better, and honestly it is SO unhealthy to be that way.

Today I made another driver so mad that she felt the need to drive her car up next to mine and yell at me. Jokes on her though, both of our windows were up and I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. BUT, I didn’t react the nicest either. Yelling (and maybe gesturing mean things) at each other didn’t get us anywhere.  Personally, she over-reacted, but I could’ve been the bigger person to not engage in such negativity. It’s about CHOOSING to look the other way, or CHOOSING to be fucking nice. It is NOT hard to be nice, in fact, I think it’s more work to be mean to someone.

Sometimes I’m an asshole, and I recognize that, and I will continuously work on that for the rest of my life. I really hope others can self-reflect and work hard on being the best/ most nice versions of themselves as well.

Confession 1: 13 Year Old Me Was a Legend

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When I typed the title of this post, I mentally said to myself “Oh Gosh, here we go…”. Initially when I started this whole blog, the plan wasn’t to “confess” things, but it rhymed with the title, so I thought, what the hell.

This first one isn’t juicy at all, BUT IT IS SUPER EMBARRASSING, OK? I can’t just start a blog, open up my whole mind and heart to everyone, and not be ok with embarrassment, right? But here I am, willingly doing so. Attached to this confession is a lesson that my younger self learned, so I’ll just mentally remind myself of that as I keep typing.

The summer going into my freshman year of high school, I signed up for the Nebraska State Games. It wasn’t the first time, or the second, that I’ve done the NSG, but this was the first time I signed up for table tennis…not only did I participate (for fun I might add), BUT I GOT LAST PLACE! WTF. Ok guys, I’ve played tennis since I was 8, was number one in the state when I was 10, and played in the NSG previously FOR tennis. What the hell was I doing playing table tennis?? I had NO BUSINESS playing that sport, but there I was, ready to play (for fun!!).

I initially signed up in high hopes, and excited for something new…once it came time for it, and people were starting to ask what sport I signed up for, I was SO embarrassed. Not that table tennis is bad, but thirteen year old me going into high school finally realized this came off super un-cool. When it was finally the day for the opening ceremony, and we had to walk on the field behind our sport’s banner, I stayed more close to the ‘Tennis’ banner instead of ‘Table Tennis’, because that’s how embarrassed I was.

After the ceremony, a group of girls I had played basketball with, and was going into high school with, asked what sport I was playing, and I literally sped walked away. This was my low as a 13 year old….

LESSON: Looking back, I think it is so so funny that I signed up, played, got LAST place, and ran away from those girls. But now I think about it, and who the f**k cares. Even now when I do things, I really don’t care what people think of me, or how they’ll perceive the things I do/ say. It’s not from arrogance, but more of I just don’t care what people think of me. I mean I got last place in table tennis at the NSG at 13 years old. I think I was a freakin’ legend.

SO, DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS, AND HAVE FUN DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

Obviously not 13 year old me, but just younger me peacing out the fans.

Today I Put Myself First

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I’ve been going through a harsh slump, and it’s really really fun. *rolling my eyes* Last night was pretty tough, and I could not quiet my mind. Tears were flowing, and I could not fall asleep for the life of me.


“Oh, you don’t know what sadness means
‘Til you’re too sad to fall asleep
One day I’ll be snoozing peacefully
But surely not today, surely not today”

Not Today -Alessia Cara

Today I did something I’ve never done before, and I chose to put myself over work. I came into work per usual, and at 9 am I was CRASHING. I was contemplating falling asleep at my desk (as if), and knew that it was going to be a rough eight hours if I didn’t do something. I was not about to get coffee, because that wasn’t going to solve this slump or my sleepiness. I decided to go home and sleep for a couple of hours. Yep. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re maybe judging me right now. “Why didn’t you just power through?”,or “You can’t just do that whenever you feel like it.” WELL DUH.

Let me make it clear: I don’t do this. I never want to lose hours at work, and when I was in school, I never wanted to be in class because I knew I could have been making money. I LOVE working and getting that bread. BUT I know myself , I know my body, I know what I’ve been going through these past couple of days, and when your body speaks, YOU LISTEN. So yes, I went home, took a much-needed two hour nap, and you know what? I woke up in a much better mood. My slumpiness was still hovering over my head, but I felt so much better. I felt more prepared to finish my day, and to head back to work. I probably won’t do that anytime soon, but I’m really glad I did it.

Today I put myself first. We cannot always choose work over ourselves, or always choose others over us, etc. Sometimes, we need to recognize our body and our feelings and make the decision to be a little selfish.

Today I put myself first, and it was the best decision I made all day. Choose YOURSELF sometimes, because no one else is going to do it for you?

When I can’t express- music will

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“On some nights like this, shawty, I can’t help but think of us

I’ve been reminiscin’, sippin’, missin’ ya”

Nights Like This (feat. Ty Dolla $ign) -Kehlani

“Look…I don’t know how to talk to you

I don’t know how to ask if you’re okay”

Too Good -Drake ft. Rihanna

“I just need a way out of my head

I’ll do anything for a way out

Of my head”

Come Back to Earth -Mac Miller

Mac’s ‘Swimming’ album is one of my favorites. It came at the perfect time for me, and this song specifically is my favorite of the whole album. His raw honesty is relatable, yet makes me so sad for what he was going through.

“One day the thought of him won’t hurt the same

Won’t need distractions to get through the day

I guess I hope I’m gonna be okay

‘Cause I’m not today”

Not Today -Alessia Cara

I wasn’t going to copy and paste all the lyrics, but the whole song is very very real.

“Sometimes it’s hard to find, find my way up into the clouds

Tune it out, they can be so loud

You remind me of a time when things weren’t so complicated”

Breathin -Arianna Grande

“How does he sleep at night?

Momma, the nerve of this guy

To leave me so easy

Am I gonna be alright?

I wanna kick myself for falling so hard

Momma, can you die from a broken heart?”

Die From A Broken Heart -Maddie & Tae

A friend sent me this song, and it is so down to earth. I’m not a country fan, but if there is a song that has pulled a couple strings in my heart, it’s this one.

“De que manera olvidarte

Si todo me recuerda a ti”

Como Te Voy A Olvidar -Los Angeles Azules

“Nowadays, I’m just a bitch to everybody else

I don’t need no shoulders, I’m good crying by myself

Moving on’s a chore, ’cause you know I still adore ya

An unrequited love is just a lover’s hell”

Faking It (feat. Kehlani & Lil Yachty) -Calvin Harris

Basically all Kehlani songs hit home for me. The last line could not be more poetic and true.

“I’m mad ’cause what I say don’t match how I feel about you

No, you don’t deserve all my emotion after what you put me through”

Not Supposed To -Shae Jacobs

“Crazy how a person you love could just change

Now I am learning to realize we needed our space

I could never hurt you, we used to be great.”

Alive (feat. Coucheron) -Kehlani

Alive is my bittersweet favorite. It gives hope, but relates to past pain. These 3 lines have been the most relatable/ eye-opening over the past few months.

Today was very hard emotionally, and it is days like today where only music seems to get me.