Tag: heart

Why Disappointment Is The Worst Feeling Of All

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Lately I’ve had my fair share of disappointments and disappointing others. It really is worse than anger or just sadness alone, because disappointment first starts off with a glimmer of hope, an excitement almost, but then the action happens, and then you’re left with sadness/ anger/ confusion/ and the feeling of being let down. Disappointment is a feeling that is harder to go away; you’re more frustrated with yourself, because you let yourself feel hope, only for it to be taken away.

I’m disappointed with myself because I let others get close enough where I let them disappoint me. I’m disappointed with how I let myself feel hope, only for it to be gone in a matter of seconds. I thought things would be fine, or that a person’s mind would change, but the thing with disappointment is, that it pairs greatly with expectations you had that were not met. Having expectations that do not pan out leads to the inevitable feeling of disappointment.

I’m disappointed with others and how they treat me. I know I’m not perfect, but I see the best in others. I feel the glimmer of hope of maybe a changed mindset or changed actions, but it left me hurt and disappointment and with a crushed heart. I guess it’s hard because you know how you are, and how people should treat you, but it’s never how it should be. People can be arrogant and they can be selfish. They don’t understand that the best and worst quality of a person is their heart, and when they have yours in the palm of their hand, it’s mistreated and taken advantage of.

Disappointment allows you to grow, but it unfortunately is the foundation of a guard you feel yourself start to put up. It teaches you a lesson, and serves as a reminder as to how good your heart is for having hope in the first place, but to also remind you that hoping can be dangerous. People will continuously disappoint you all your life, but you can only work on you and you not giving someone else that same feeling. Keep your heart big, but maybe keeping that guard up, to protect your heart, wouldn’t be such a bad idea either.

Everyone Deserves To Be Loved

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There are people in this world that repress love in all forms. They will unintentionally, or intentionally, push away the ones that love them the most. There are multiple reasons why someone could be doing this. It could be stemmed from childhood memories, or how they grew up. Could be from previous relationships that did not end well. It could be because that person does not know how to love themselves firstly, and is having a hard time expressing a love to another. What I do know for certain though is: Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone.

You could be the kindest person, or one who views themselves as unlovable, but ultimately, whoever you are, you deserved to be loved. And that can be so scary. I know how it feels to feel unlovable. My first boyfriend made me feel invaluable and not special. He made me feel as though I couldn’t do better, but eventually I found my way and I moved on to someone else! Although I’m single now, I know I deserve the best kind of love there is, just like everyone else.

What genuinely makes me sad is when people push away the ones that love them the most. My recent ex pushed me away, for multiple reasons, but linking this post to another, you cannot control the decisions of others, so whatever is meant to be, will be. He still deserves the best kind of love, even if he pushes it away.

The thing is, we’re all scared of love. It pushes you to be vulnerable and to trust someone fully, and that could potentially lead to heartbreak. Personally, I feel very scared to love again. I know how it feels to break so gruesomely on the inside, and I never want to go through that again. I know how it feels to feel the worst kind of disappointment. I know how it feels to wonder why it didn’t work out, and why you weren’t enough. I know how it feels to feel every kind of sadness there is. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to opening myself up to someone new, or to “start over”. It scares the shit out of me actually. And secretly, I don’t want to do it. It’s not like I’m searching anyway; I’m more focused on working on myself to be honest, but when I do run into a new potential love– I know it’s going to scare me. But here I am, reminding myself just as I am reminding you: we all deserve the best and the most pure kind of love there is. A love that does not fail. A love that is full of happiness, sadness, trust, laughter, friendship, strength, and everything else there is that love provides. It will not be perfect, but it will be everything we need. It will be worth the wait..and guess what? When it finally does come, we’ll deserve it!

I wonder

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I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about you all the time and wonder what life has been like for you these past three months. I would be lying if I said I didn’t hate you, or that I didn’t love you. In fact, I would be the biggest liar in Nebraska if I said I didn’t think any of those things.

I do wonder about you…all the time, actually. It’s days like today where it gets me down thinking about how I’m not the one you choose to spend some of your days with. It hurts to think I’m not the one you talk about your days to. And it especially hurts knowing you aren’t my partner in crime, my best friend anymore.

I wonder what your life routine is like now. I wonder if you’re happy, and not the happy you tell other people, but if you’re actually doing good deep down. I wonder if you even wonder about me.

I wonder why you couldn’t be mature enough for a relationship with me. I wonder when you’ll finally realize what you lost, and how much it fucking sucks for me. And I wonder if you even care.

Perspective: the silver lining in every situation

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Take a minute to really understand and grasp the meaning behind these pictures. These two pictures are powerful, and should serve as daily reminders that there is always a silver lining behind every difficult situation.


“Baby, don’t you know, all o’them tears gon’ come and go. Baby you just gotta make up your mind that every little thing is gonna be alright.” Be Alright- Ariana Grande

As creatures of habit, and ones that tend to find little things to bitch about, it is important to start changing your perspective and mindset for the better. Behind every hard situation is something beautiful waiting to be revealed. Take a minute to think of something you have gone through, and now think of why you’re grateful that situation happened.

In 8th grade I went through severe depression. I started counseling, my dad called the principal to see if changing schools would be the best option, and no one understood what was going on. I was in a horrible rut. I cried every day, I had no appetite, I had no desire to go to school, I was confused about life and who I was. I was scared of everything, and it was a horrible horrible time in my life. For months I was like this. BUT the silver lining that came to light was that when I came out of my depression I turned into the most outgoing, goofy, more confident little lady. Looking back, I am so glad I had to go through that to find out who I was. Obviously I didn’t learn everything about myself, but it turned me into a confident girl, ready to take on challenges that did not scare her, and I am so proud of who I was and who I turned into. The flower picture above is what describes this situation most. I BLOOMED after my depression.

I have gone through three break ups. Three heart breaks that were devastating and horrible, where my first two boyfriends really fucked me up mentally and it was so so challenging to get through those. But I learned new things about relationships, myself, what I wanted out of a guy, and re-learned how amazing I was!

“It’s like something has to die to help you realize – damn I feel alive.” Alive – Kehlani


During the hard times, find the positives! I know its hard, trust me!! But once you focus on your mentality, and focus on having a healthier mentality, you are starting the journey to a more positive lifestyle and attitude! Becoming a more positive person takes practice! It’s not a switch that you can flip, but a mentality that takes time to form and deploy in your daily life.

So start practicing! And if you’re going through a hard time right now, please know that there is something beautiful and magical awaiting to be unfolded and discovered. I STRONGLY believe that everything happens for a reason, so please continue on working on being the happy, positive person that you can be, and then life will show you kindness and love back. God gives you what you need, and He shows you what you don’t need. He teaches us these beautiful lessons, and we HAVE to trust Him.

I’m trying to grow, so don’t hold me back.

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

Today I woke up frustrated, disappointed, and upset. I have been growing, healing, and reflecting, and a heart can only take so much. My heart is starting to get frustrated with the rollercoaster it’s been riding lately. And I am the cause of that.

I have been working on becoming a more independent woman, who is individualistic and courageous. I have been progressing and learning so much, but sometimes I let certain individuals mentally hold me back. I am an understander, and a forgiver; a woman who likes to give chances and whose mind constantly explores the “what if’s”. But I’m starting to feel held back and I’m annoyed. I let down my guard for a second, just to start gluing the bricks right back up.

“The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth.”

Today’s self-reflection is being done with the specific people who are not trying to progress their own-selves with me, and who are also unintentionally pausing my progress as well. I am done with telling myself, “Maybe just give them more time” and coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I let people back in even though they haven’t changed. I do it to myself. I am trying to jump these mental hoops, but it’s starting to feel like a challenge when my heart says one thing, but my mind says the other. So which one do you listen to?

“Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life.”

I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m not sure what God’s bigger picture for me looks like, but I’m starting to realize that if someone isn’t progressing with me, sharing the same mentality as me on the next step in life, then maybe they should stop being able to walk into my life so easily, and I need to stop holding the door open. Life is becoming more overwhelming as the days go by, and I have so much to figure out. The last thing I need are people who confuse me and hold me back.

Today I am trying to grow, and although inside I am feeling a little defeated and sad, I know that this journey is still going to be all worth it in the end. So, if you are not on this journey with me, then please don’t hold me back.

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