Tag: kindness

This Season

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I once saw a friend post that another person’s season may be different than your own. You may look at them during a time where all is going well and falling into place. Their puzzle pieces were aligning and finding their place, all while your pieces may still be hidden or jumbled around. This is why you can’t compare your season with theirs, because your season may be one of healing and growth and learning. And it’s hard to tell a definitive way how you start and finish a season, but I’ve decided that today was the start of a new season for me.

This new season is conveniently falling on the first day of Fall and the start of Libra season, which is exactly the sign that I am. I guess I just mentally decided that this long, weird, and confusing chapter of mine needed to end. Although I’ve been trying to find my way, it’s really been a difficult time. Only the closest people to me have known about the bumps. But I’ve always been an open book. So,

This past season I was open and vulnerable with someone so undeserving of it, and I learned that you cannot jump in with both feet before you test out the water. I am way too caring for people who do no reciprocate or even ask how I’m doing/ I do not need to be patient with someone unless I am shown a reason to be. I am continuously on the fence about wanting to move away, but then don’t want to be away from my family. I want to go to grad school, but am not sure if I should. I think I want to become a middle school counselor, but then I think about journalism.

Andddd cue what my therapist would say: focus on one thing at a time.

Easier said than done with someone with anxiety and constant overthinking.

This season

This season I need to figure some things out, but one thing at a time. As I do scroll on the multiple social media platforms and see others moved away, or starting a new career, or getting engaged, or getting married, or getting pregnant…that is their season right now, and this is my season. My season should be about me, about my life, about continuous growth, and becoming more of a better person. I will figure out a path for my future. I will put my foot down to people who are not going to help my journey. I will make this season better than the last.

I reflect a lot, all the time actually, and I’ve made tremendous strides that I think my younger self would be proud of. I have overcome some of the hardest things, mentally and emotionally, and at the end of the day, I know I’m going to be ok. This season is going to better, more enriching, more encouraging, and more rewarding. This headspace is one that is open and positive and ready for continuous progress.

I hope you do not compare your season with others, because it’s your season. Make it what you will. Make your tree leaves change color, fall, and then grow new ones. Make your ice tough and thick but vulnerable at the touch of warmth. Make it rain all day long, but the next be sunny, with flowers growing and blooming. Make your season warm and prosperous, but then appreciate the cool breeze when it comes and goes.

Because it’s your season, you get to decide how and when it comes and goes.

Why You Should Practice Forgiveness

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The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

Self-love, patience, motivation, trust…these are all things that we mentally practice with ourselves, and I think we should add forgiveness to the list. I am definitely one that unintentionally holds grudges or never forgets what a certain person has done to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn to forgive.

Just like everyone else, I have had so many people hurt me in my life. I try really hard to be the best friend I can be, the best girlfriend, the best daughter and sister. I would never intentionally hurt someone, so I always think to myself, “why do these people want to hurt me?” But it shouldn’t be a pity party. Everyone is different, and people do not have the same heart, kindness, or love that you do. So, there is bound to be hurt along the way in our life’s journey. To be strong is to forgive. To be a better person, and to be the best version of yourself, is to start to learn how to forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t just the absence of anger. I think it’s also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself.

Tara Westover

Practicing forgiveness is an ongoing lesson for me. I still remember traumatic times in middle school that haunt me to this day. I feel saddened and hurt and angry when I think about that time in my life. But to be able to move on and free myself of this past trauma and hurt, I HAVE to forgive. Tyler Perry said it best:

It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.

Tyler Perry

In order to continue life freely, we must move on from these things that gave us pain. It does not mean forget what you have gone through, and your journey, but to learn from this and to move forward as a healthier human being who is capable of forgiveness.

Not only do we need to learn to forgive others, but the hardest part is learning to forgive ourselves. We are our worst and harshest critic. Even if we don’t admit it out loud to ourselves or to others that we messed up, deep down we know when we screwed up. My mom and I were talking about a situation that happened a few months ago and she repeatedly told me that I needed to forgive myself. I hadn’t even realized it at the time, but I was mad at myself. I regretted this specific action and I don’t think I would have thought to forgive myself if my mom didn’t tell me to. We don’t realize how hard we are on ourselves, but sometimes we can be absolutely horrible. We spread love and kindness and forgiveness to others, but where is it when we need to give ourselves some love, kindness, and forgiveness?

Learn to forgive. It is not an overnight recipe, but a lifelong practice. It does take time, but it is so freeing once we release our inner demons of hatred and anger. Let it go, and let yourself feel more love than anger. It isn’t okay when someone hurts us, but it’s also not okay that you make yourself hold onto that hurt longer than you should. Learn to forgive, and learn to let go.

Everyone Deserves To Be Loved

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There are people in this world that repress love in all forms. They will unintentionally, or intentionally, push away the ones that love them the most. There are multiple reasons why someone could be doing this. It could be stemmed from childhood memories, or how they grew up. Could be from previous relationships that did not end well. It could be because that person does not know how to love themselves firstly, and is having a hard time expressing a love to another. What I do know for certain though is: Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone.

You could be the kindest person, or one who views themselves as unlovable, but ultimately, whoever you are, you deserved to be loved. And that can be so scary. I know how it feels to feel unlovable. My first boyfriend made me feel invaluable and not special. He made me feel as though I couldn’t do better, but eventually I found my way and I moved on to someone else! Although I’m single now, I know I deserve the best kind of love there is, just like everyone else.

What genuinely makes me sad is when people push away the ones that love them the most. My recent ex pushed me away, for multiple reasons, but linking this post to another, you cannot control the decisions of others, so whatever is meant to be, will be. He still deserves the best kind of love, even if he pushes it away.

The thing is, we’re all scared of love. It pushes you to be vulnerable and to trust someone fully, and that could potentially lead to heartbreak. Personally, I feel very scared to love again. I know how it feels to break so gruesomely on the inside, and I never want to go through that again. I know how it feels to feel the worst kind of disappointment. I know how it feels to wonder why it didn’t work out, and why you weren’t enough. I know how it feels to feel every kind of sadness there is. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to opening myself up to someone new, or to “start over”. It scares the shit out of me actually. And secretly, I don’t want to do it. It’s not like I’m searching anyway; I’m more focused on working on myself to be honest, but when I do run into a new potential love– I know it’s going to scare me. But here I am, reminding myself just as I am reminding you: we all deserve the best and the most pure kind of love there is. A love that does not fail. A love that is full of happiness, sadness, trust, laughter, friendship, strength, and everything else there is that love provides. It will not be perfect, but it will be everything we need. It will be worth the wait..and guess what? When it finally does come, we’ll deserve it!

Perspective: the silver lining in every situation

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Take a minute to really understand and grasp the meaning behind these pictures. These two pictures are powerful, and should serve as daily reminders that there is always a silver lining behind every difficult situation.


“Baby, don’t you know, all o’them tears gon’ come and go. Baby you just gotta make up your mind that every little thing is gonna be alright.” Be Alright- Ariana Grande

As creatures of habit, and ones that tend to find little things to bitch about, it is important to start changing your perspective and mindset for the better. Behind every hard situation is something beautiful waiting to be revealed. Take a minute to think of something you have gone through, and now think of why you’re grateful that situation happened.

In 8th grade I went through severe depression. I started counseling, my dad called the principal to see if changing schools would be the best option, and no one understood what was going on. I was in a horrible rut. I cried every day, I had no appetite, I had no desire to go to school, I was confused about life and who I was. I was scared of everything, and it was a horrible horrible time in my life. For months I was like this. BUT the silver lining that came to light was that when I came out of my depression I turned into the most outgoing, goofy, more confident little lady. Looking back, I am so glad I had to go through that to find out who I was. Obviously I didn’t learn everything about myself, but it turned me into a confident girl, ready to take on challenges that did not scare her, and I am so proud of who I was and who I turned into. The flower picture above is what describes this situation most. I BLOOMED after my depression.

I have gone through three break ups. Three heart breaks that were devastating and horrible, where my first two boyfriends really fucked me up mentally and it was so so challenging to get through those. But I learned new things about relationships, myself, what I wanted out of a guy, and re-learned how amazing I was!

“It’s like something has to die to help you realize – damn I feel alive.” Alive – Kehlani


During the hard times, find the positives! I know its hard, trust me!! But once you focus on your mentality, and focus on having a healthier mentality, you are starting the journey to a more positive lifestyle and attitude! Becoming a more positive person takes practice! It’s not a switch that you can flip, but a mentality that takes time to form and deploy in your daily life.

So start practicing! And if you’re going through a hard time right now, please know that there is something beautiful and magical awaiting to be unfolded and discovered. I STRONGLY believe that everything happens for a reason, so please continue on working on being the happy, positive person that you can be, and then life will show you kindness and love back. God gives you what you need, and He shows you what you don’t need. He teaches us these beautiful lessons, and we HAVE to trust Him.

I’m too good to you

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If I could make this blog a little more like MySpace, I would have ‘Too Good’ by drake ft. Rihanna play as you read this post. Breaking down, and closely listening to the lyrics, it hits home all too well. My whole life I’ve felt unappreciated by various individuals: family, friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. It’s been a familiar and exhausting routine where I do all that I can to be the best version of myself for someone, because that’s just who I am, and I end up being the one who gets hurt. That totally makes sense!

I look back at the various relationships I’ve had during my life and recognize that I’m just too damn nice. This time around, and what I’ve been realizing these past couple of months, I’m done doing all that I can if the energy is NOT reciprocated. I’m 22 years old and my kindness has been taken advantage of, and that makes me want to kick someone’s ass. I look back at some people and think maybe it’s good they’re no longer in my life. YESTERDAY I’m asking God why he has put me through the pain that I’m going through, but TODAY I know why.

Today is about self-reflection, and as always, moving forward. I can look back and confidently say that I did the best I could, I was the best friend I could be, I was a damn good girlfriend, and I can keep living with a smile on my face. At the end of the day, I’m NOT the one with the regrets, but the one who can weed through the negative ones, to find the genuine ones, and for that is one reason why I smile today.

 

So recognize the real ones, and appreciate them, and when you realize who is good for you, and who isn’t- well life gets a little more simple then.