Tag: learning

22 Things I Learned At 22

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

It’s almost annoying how similar I am to my dad, but I just know this is something he would’ve done at my age. We’re both so similar in the fact that we 1. love to write, but 2. love to recollect our lessons and memories and express it in a form of advice for others.

Tonight is my last night of being 22. Again, much like my dad, I am very much a sentimental person, and I pretty much cry the night before every birthday, on every birthday, or both. But I just want to defend myself in saying that I know I’m not alone in the fact that I do this, and I’m not ashamed of valuing my life, and every milestone like a birthday. I’m a crier, ok?

So, yes, tonight I cried. And here’s how it happened. I got done at the gym, and thought to myself, “Ok, I’m going to play 22 by Taylor Swift for the last time, because it’s just not going to be the same tomorrow, or any day after.” So….on the way home from the gym, I cried while singing 22 by Taylor Swift. I’m laughing to myself right now just admitting this, but whatever, I don’t fucking care.

22 has been a HUGE year for me, and to be quite blunt: it was the worst year ever. Seriously! But there was just so much that happened within this year to be honest. It started off with a break up, then I graduated college. Back-to-back, those two events were so hard to take in. Then, here’s the hard part, I fell deeply depressed. SLOWLY overcame the depression. I traveled a lot, worked on my fitness and health, and lost weight. I’ve done so much, and learned so much in this year that I really want to share 22 things I’ve learned while being 22. I’ve learned so much about myself, people, and life. I’m not an expert, but I’m giving my two cents whether you like it or not. So, here’s 22 things I learned at 22.

  1. I was broken up with, and it was a hard time for me. I think what I learned most is: no matter how good you are to someone, or think you are, sometimes it’s just not enough. And you have to accept the reality that it’s just not meant to be, and even though it is so hard, you have to learn to move on. Honestly, it works out for the best in the end, because if we were supposed to be together, we would be. I’m accepting of this, and I’ve happily moved on. I think I really just needed to learn a lot of lessons about that relationship, and about myself. Now that I have, I can use this knowledge for the next one!
  2. That being said…no matter how nice/ good you are to someone, they’ll still do/ say horrible things. My lesson is: these people are showing you their true colors, so believe the reality of what they show you, and let those people go. No need to try to be the “bigger person” anymore. I honestly just act like they don’t exist and go about my day. If they want to flat out disrespect you, then they should not get any ounce of your attention. It’s hard at first, but it’s the truth.
  3. Now onto friends. This year my circle grew a little smaller….and I’m actually very happy this happened! In life, you just have to weed out the bad ones. That can honestly be applied to almost anything, but in this lesson, number 3, I’m applying it to friends. Life is so hard as it is, and friends are supposed to be there for support or to make you laugh. If they’re not being a good friend to me, then I give them the good ole Gabby boot, and so should you! Who cares if your circle shrank, or you have no one. FIND YOUR PEOPLE! My friends know me for me, and they know how I am, and guess what? They still love me for it. Anyone else who doesn’t can honestly kiss my ass.
  4. I’ve only been preaching this one for MONTHS, but: SELF-LOVE. I grew sooooo much self love for myself this year! I grew confidence and happiness, and it’s all because I like how I am, and I like who I am, and I think everyone should feel this way about themselves. And honestly, a breakup will teach you just that. You have to re-find your worth, and rediscover your identity. That was my hardest challenge, and once I got there, I flourished and transformed. Why do you think I got butterflies tatted on me for goodness sake? This bitch has flourished and changed, and I could not be more proud of myself.
  5. Family. You know, when I was in a relationship, I didn’t see my family as much. I will never do that again. My family is my everything, my backbone, my biggest cheering section, and no one’s got me like they do. My parents have helped me through so many things, and I just seriously will never take them for granted. Lesson learned: appreciate your fam.
  6. Family IS everything, but not all family. I’ve learned that I don’t have to respect someone just because we’re blood. Sounds harsh, right? Not everyone may agree, but I just don’t think I need to love someone automatically when our relationship is non-existent. So, it’s ok to not love all of your family. Just saying.
  7. Life is hard, but an inch forward is an inch forward. This year I was so confused about life. I struggled for so long if I wanted to move or not, or what career I wanted to pursue. It was really challenging to figure out, because I sincerely had no clue what I wanted to do, but I knew in order to grow financially or career wise, I had to figure it out! But! I! Couldn’t! But then eventually I did!
  8. I learned how rewarding it is to eat healthy, to work out consistently, and to get a good nights sleep the majority of the time. I will never go back to my old habits, and I’m so glad I turned my health around. This year has shown me what getting into a good healthy routine can do for you and your health.
  9. Ok. I learned, even though it’s so annoying, that it’s ok to miss someone. It’s ok to miss someone even though they are 100% completely undeserving of it. It doesn’t mean I’ll reach out, or say hi, because I won’t. But I love with my whole heart, and I realized it’s ok to miss someone, because at one point, they were a big part of my life, and I can’t discount that. So, it’s ok to miss someone, just don’t reflect too much, because that’ll just get ya down and blue sister.
  10. This year I learned to value the little things. Even if they’re the tiniest things, or put a temporary smile on your face, value it! I value my coffee, because I really do look forward to it. I value Sudoku, because it’s a nice little way to distract me from my anxiety, and I value The Office, because it’s the best show ever. Small things make a big difference, and you have to love the little things in life.
  11. Sometimes you have to work at a place that does not make you happy, because you’re still trying to figure life out. Most of 22, I didn’t have any sort of my life together, but what I did have was a job that paid the bills. I know sometimes we have to do something or work somewhere that doesn’t make us happy at all, but remind yourself it’s only temporary, and that it’s helping you build yourself. It’s helping you while you figure things out.
  12. This one is so simple, but wow I was not good at this before. Here it is: If someone is not giving you the time of day that you deserve, then YOU don’t give them the time of day. If someone isn’t giving you the effort that you are putting in, then YOU stop giving all your effort since it’s not being matched. Stop wasting your time on people who don’t deserve it! People should earn their way into your life, and they shouldn’t get an excuse for not putting in effort or attention. Shit needs to be equal. Do not under value yourself.
  13. I have never felt more alone, depressed, confused, and anxious more in this year than I have ever in my entire life. But, I have never learned more about myself than I have this year. I think we all have to go through some really tough things to truly understand ourselves. I was forced to figure shit out, and it was the biggest challenge ever, but it was the most rewarding. I’m so happy I’ve spent 22 working on me, and I think you have to do that alone. Or at least, it was best for me this way.
  14. Skin care. Skin care. Skin care.
  15. Do things for you from time to time. Order some clothes online, or go eat at that place you’re craving. This probably falls under self love, but I think we should treat ourselves way more often than what we do. I think we should make ourselves our number one priority, because only you are really stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. So I’m going to make myself happy.
  16. Travel more. Probably easier said than done, but I’ve traveled so much this year, and I’m so thankful for it. You really just learn so much more about yourself when you travel. You get to decide how you spend your days, where you want to eat, and what you miss and don’t miss. I hope I can travel as much at 23.
  17. Don’t let your guard down too fast. I unfortunately have done this one too many times, and it bites me in the ass every time. Stop it, Gabby! Fuck. But yeah, seriously, sometimes you just have to be a damn onion. Give them one layer at a time, hunny, and make sure they work for those layers!
  18. Don’t be afraid to be you and to show yourself though. I’m expressive and an over-sharer, and I’ll still post blogs about how I’m feeling, etc. and I won’t care if y’all read it or not. If you’ve made it this far: hello.
  19. DON’T LET PEOPLE KNOCK YOU DOWN!!! Fuck those people!!! You need to grow up and be courageous by putting your foot down and standing up for yourself. And honestly, I don’t care if it’s at work, to a stranger, an ex, or to a friend; you need to seriously stand up for yourself, because it’s your life and no one gets to boss you around!
  20. I’ve learned that even if my morals and beliefs don’t match up with someone else’s, then that does not mean there needs to be any disrespect or harsh feelings towards someone. You just accept what they believe, and you move on. My parents are 100% against tattoos, and I have 7, so they know about them, can hate them, and now move on. My body, my beliefs. Their bodies, their beliefs. We respectfully disagree about tattoos…and we move on. Plain and simple.
  21. I learned that I want to be a school counselor! So, I’m going to get my masters in school counseling! Yay!
  22. This one is so cliche, but some things are so hard to actually BELIEVE, but: honestly, everything is always going to work out. Life gets so hard, rough patches get long, but you just have to push forward. You. Have. To. Life is going to work out as it should, and you just have to keep working at being a better person, a happier person, and a more positive person. Have that faith that everything really is going to work out, but actually work on yourself too! Nothing fixes itself.

Thank you reading my 22 lessons that I gathered this year at 22. It’s been a tough, yet rewarding year for me, and although most of it was hard, I wouldn’t changed any of it. You shouldn’t change the tough parts, because they always lead you to the good ones.

Also, Happy 23rd Birthday to me!

This Season

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

I once saw a friend post that another person’s season may be different than your own. You may look at them during a time where all is going well and falling into place. Their puzzle pieces were aligning and finding their place, all while your pieces may still be hidden or jumbled around. This is why you can’t compare your season with theirs, because your season may be one of healing and growth and learning. And it’s hard to tell a definitive way how you start and finish a season, but I’ve decided that today was the start of a new season for me.

This new season is conveniently falling on the first day of Fall and the start of Libra season, which is exactly the sign that I am. I guess I just mentally decided that this long, weird, and confusing chapter of mine needed to end. Although I’ve been trying to find my way, it’s really been a difficult time. Only the closest people to me have known about the bumps. But I’ve always been an open book. So,

This past season I was open and vulnerable with someone so undeserving of it, and I learned that you cannot jump in with both feet before you test out the water. I am way too caring for people who do no reciprocate or even ask how I’m doing/ I do not need to be patient with someone unless I am shown a reason to be. I am continuously on the fence about wanting to move away, but then don’t want to be away from my family. I want to go to grad school, but am not sure if I should. I think I want to become a middle school counselor, but then I think about journalism.

Andddd cue what my therapist would say: focus on one thing at a time.

Easier said than done with someone with anxiety and constant overthinking.

This season

This season I need to figure some things out, but one thing at a time. As I do scroll on the multiple social media platforms and see others moved away, or starting a new career, or getting engaged, or getting married, or getting pregnant…that is their season right now, and this is my season. My season should be about me, about my life, about continuous growth, and becoming more of a better person. I will figure out a path for my future. I will put my foot down to people who are not going to help my journey. I will make this season better than the last.

I reflect a lot, all the time actually, and I’ve made tremendous strides that I think my younger self would be proud of. I have overcome some of the hardest things, mentally and emotionally, and at the end of the day, I know I’m going to be ok. This season is going to better, more enriching, more encouraging, and more rewarding. This headspace is one that is open and positive and ready for continuous progress.

I hope you do not compare your season with others, because it’s your season. Make it what you will. Make your tree leaves change color, fall, and then grow new ones. Make your ice tough and thick but vulnerable at the touch of warmth. Make it rain all day long, but the next be sunny, with flowers growing and blooming. Make your season warm and prosperous, but then appreciate the cool breeze when it comes and goes.

Because it’s your season, you get to decide how and when it comes and goes.

Stop Questioning, And Start Trusting The Process

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22 has been such an enlightening and transformative year for me thus far. We never really know why certain situations are handed to us, but there’s always something to take away.

I think it’s so important to not look at situations you go through as negative, but just as lessons. We learn, we grow, and we mature. For me this year, it’s been a lesson to trust God’s process and what He has in store for me. I know that it’s hard to remind myself of this in the moment, but I know that it’s all building up to be something great. I know that this process will lead to an even stronger me. I don’t want to be a negative person. I don’t want to see every situation as bad or horrible. I don’t want to view myself as a victim. I want to guide myself through it, and find the pieces I can take away and learn from. Not only do you learn things about yourself, but you learn more about others as well. You learn to be more understanding, compassionate, and kind. You could be the one being dragged through the mud, but that doesn’t mean you should be the bitter one.

I work heavily on my future, and am continuously working to be a better person. I am working towards my goals and dreams, and can already tell that things are starting to come together….and it’s because I’ve never stopped trusting the process, or wondered why God was taking me through what he was taking me through. He has placed certain people in my life for either guidance and love or as lessons. I have learned not to question Him, but to thank Him for what He has given me. I have felt the pain of the lessons, but have found the peace and understanding in those lessons as well. He places everything in our lives for a reason. It is our duty to figure out if this is a lesson or a blessing. Every opportunity must be taken, and to be learned from. You never know how it’ll go if you do not take the opportunities He is providing.

We hold ourselves back from so many things, because we stop trusting the process and we start questioning everything. Trust, and grow. Believe that there is a reason someone pops into your life, believe that there is a reason this specific opportunity popped up and grab onto it. God does everything in the most perfect timing and it is not for us to question why He chooses to do it at a certain time. He knows what He is doing, so trust Him. Trust the beautiful process, because it all leads to something beautiful and amazing.

As much as I want to ask Him, “Why do I go through so many difficult obstacles? Why can’t the destination be here already? Why do a lot of things not work out when I want them to?” I just have to trust in the reasoning, and what I’m going to learn along the way. I think it’s so normal to feel the pity and the frustration and the disappointment, but just knowing there are amazing things coming, is worth the wait and worth going through the downfalls.

Why You Should Practice Forgiveness

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The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

Self-love, patience, motivation, trust…these are all things that we mentally practice with ourselves, and I think we should add forgiveness to the list. I am definitely one that unintentionally holds grudges or never forgets what a certain person has done to me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn to forgive.

Just like everyone else, I have had so many people hurt me in my life. I try really hard to be the best friend I can be, the best girlfriend, the best daughter and sister. I would never intentionally hurt someone, so I always think to myself, “why do these people want to hurt me?” But it shouldn’t be a pity party. Everyone is different, and people do not have the same heart, kindness, or love that you do. So, there is bound to be hurt along the way in our life’s journey. To be strong is to forgive. To be a better person, and to be the best version of yourself, is to start to learn how to forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t just the absence of anger. I think it’s also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself.

Tara Westover

Practicing forgiveness is an ongoing lesson for me. I still remember traumatic times in middle school that haunt me to this day. I feel saddened and hurt and angry when I think about that time in my life. But to be able to move on and free myself of this past trauma and hurt, I HAVE to forgive. Tyler Perry said it best:

It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.

Tyler Perry

In order to continue life freely, we must move on from these things that gave us pain. It does not mean forget what you have gone through, and your journey, but to learn from this and to move forward as a healthier human being who is capable of forgiveness.

Not only do we need to learn to forgive others, but the hardest part is learning to forgive ourselves. We are our worst and harshest critic. Even if we don’t admit it out loud to ourselves or to others that we messed up, deep down we know when we screwed up. My mom and I were talking about a situation that happened a few months ago and she repeatedly told me that I needed to forgive myself. I hadn’t even realized it at the time, but I was mad at myself. I regretted this specific action and I don’t think I would have thought to forgive myself if my mom didn’t tell me to. We don’t realize how hard we are on ourselves, but sometimes we can be absolutely horrible. We spread love and kindness and forgiveness to others, but where is it when we need to give ourselves some love, kindness, and forgiveness?

Learn to forgive. It is not an overnight recipe, but a lifelong practice. It does take time, but it is so freeing once we release our inner demons of hatred and anger. Let it go, and let yourself feel more love than anger. It isn’t okay when someone hurts us, but it’s also not okay that you make yourself hold onto that hurt longer than you should. Learn to forgive, and learn to let go.

Never Stop Learning – Never Stop Dreaming

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Since graduating college I thought I would be so grateful to be done with school, and I definitely am, but I will always have the yearning in myself to continue learning. I have a list of things I want to know more about, and a list of things I want to try. But I think as humans, we think that once we are done with school the learning stops there, and that is so so false. As humans with huge intellectual capacities, we should push and push and continue learning everything and anything. We should seek out the subjects that peak our interests, and wander into new ones we never thought that much about.

‘Joe Rogan Experience #1201 – William von Hippel’ has been one of the most eye-opening videos I have ever watched. I don’t agree with 50% of the content in it, BUT they talk about continuing to learn and read and expand our minds, and that is something I absolutely concur with.

I’m only 22 and have so much I will accomplish in my life, but even when I’m 70 I will continue to dream and explore life. I think everyone, no matter what age, should continue their education and continue dreaming the biggest they can. It does not mean we have to enroll ourselves back into school, but we can go out and learn on our own. If the financial ability supports it, then go back to school if that’s what you desire! Or just take a couple classes for fun. Southeast Community College has a ‘Continuing Education’ section, which holds a multitude of courses! We should take advantage of the learning opportunities that surround us, because the US is so much more fortunate than other countries in the education department.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. -Henry Ford

No matter what age, we should continue learning, continue expanding, and continue dreaming!! Our capacity does not have a limit, but you might be limiting yourself if you don’t think you have to continue learning. You have no idea what you could find yourself stepping into if you just listen to that yearning for learning inside of you. (I’m sorry for the rhyming and cheesiness, but get over it.)

Make goals to read a book a month, learn a new language at your own pace, take a fun cooking class, learn about human cells, or the planets/ stars/ asteroids/ the orbits in space! Just continue learning, and never stop dreaming. It’s never too late and you are never too old to learn and follow your dreams.

Learn how to say “No”

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Learning how to say “no” is a lesson I’m definitely still trying to grasp. I never want to say “no” to hanging out with a friend, miss a chance to spend time with my family, or if someone needs a helping hand, but sometimes it can be overwhelming always saying “yes”.

Don’t get me wrong, I love filling up my free time! Especially with being single, I find myself ALWAYS busy doing something! Let’s face it, this could be considered a “good” problem to have, but not all the time. When the weekends arrive, I kid you not, I already have next week’s schedule filled up and planned, but sometimes I think “Wow, I wish I hadn’t said yes, I really just want to stay home.” And this is what I’m talking about. I don’t have to say “yes” to everything! We all have the right to say, “That sounds really fun, but I think I’m going to have to pass this time!”

Trust me, I know it can be hard to say “no” sometimes, especially if you’re a social butterfly like me that loves to do fun things, but even for the busy-bees, we have to learn to say “no” so we can have a day to ourselves, to do absolutely nothing, and wind down. I get stuck between wanting to be a good friend who tries to balance everyone, and someone who just wants to go home to do things I never have time to do. What I’m really bad about is 1. Saying yes to everything, but 2. Literally having a free day, but then someone asks to do something and then I say yes! I’ll think to myself, “Ok, that really does sound fun, but what the fuck, I should’ve said no.” Because some days, I just want to go work out, come home and watch Gilmore Girls while folding my laundry! How boring, yet relaxing, does that sound??

Balancing your friends and family is very important, but putting yourself IN THAT balance is equally as important! We must put ourselves first sometimes, and by sometimes I mean most of the time! This is the healthy living that I’ve been preaching about. It first starts with a positive mentality and good attitudes, but then taking the necessary actions of putting yourself in a healthy life and living that healthy lifestyle. I’m still actively working on this myself, and I’m learning everyday what I need to do that makes me happy, and what protects ME.

Moral of the story: We shouldn’t feel obligated to say “yes” to everything and everyone. In fact, we have every right to say “no”. For me, this is so much easier said than done, but we all deserve at least a couple of days to ourselves, to do whatever we want, and it all starts with saying “no”.