Tag: relationships

Two-way street vs. A white dotted line

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One of the many things I’ve learned this year is that not all relationships are a two-way street. I’ve realized that there were some people that I would put effort into seeing, but it wouldn’t be reciprocated. I think another thing I became aware of is that, especially after a difficult time in your life, you really realize who your true friends are. I noticed who my friends were due to circumstance, and who actually wanted to be apart of my life.

Growing up, and maturing more as an adult, you notice a lot of different things. You realize who to put your effort into, and who you start to pull away from. It’s definitely a hard realization to have when you start losing a few friends, but just like any other person in your life, you have to think to yourself, “If they’re not putting in effort to spend time with me, then why am I wasting my time putting effort into them?” It’s not fair to yourself to stay in a one-way relationship. All relationships, with everyone in your life, should be a two-way street. When driving, the difference between a yellow dotted line and a white dotted line are very significant, and it should be the same way in your personal relationships. Be aware of the color of the line in your relationships, and act accordingly.

At this point in our lives, it’s so unnecessary to waste time and energy for people who don’t put in the same love and effort as I do. I’m sorry, but I only have the energy for the genuine friends in my life. This year has taught me so much about myself, and one of those things is that my time is valuable, and I really don’t feel like giving out my energy to those who don’t deserve it anymore.

I think another thing we learn to accept as we age is that friends dwindle, and that’s okay. Some really are just temporary, and can leave fun memories from the times you had, but then there are those rare few that stick around for the long haul. The important factor is realizing who is temporary and who isn’t. Overall, it’s so important to value the time you have with each person. If I had known at those times that it would be my last time spending time with someone, I think I would have cherished it so much more.

At the end of the day, life is what it is. People come and go: they add memories and pain, and they teach us valuable (good or bad) lessons. Value the people who consciously decide to be in your life, and never let them go. Those are the individuals you should invest your time and effort into.

Why Disappointment Is The Worst Feeling Of All

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Lately I’ve had my fair share of disappointments and disappointing others. It really is worse than anger or just sadness alone, because disappointment first starts off with a glimmer of hope, an excitement almost, but then the action happens, and then you’re left with sadness/ anger/ confusion/ and the feeling of being let down. Disappointment is a feeling that is harder to go away; you’re more frustrated with yourself, because you let yourself feel hope, only for it to be taken away.

I’m disappointed with myself because I let others get close enough where I let them disappoint me. I’m disappointed with how I let myself feel hope, only for it to be gone in a matter of seconds. I thought things would be fine, or that a person’s mind would change, but the thing with disappointment is, that it pairs greatly with expectations you had that were not met. Having expectations that do not pan out leads to the inevitable feeling of disappointment.

I’m disappointed with others and how they treat me. I know I’m not perfect, but I see the best in others. I feel the glimmer of hope of maybe a changed mindset or changed actions, but it left me hurt and disappointment and with a crushed heart. I guess it’s hard because you know how you are, and how people should treat you, but it’s never how it should be. People can be arrogant and they can be selfish. They don’t understand that the best and worst quality of a person is their heart, and when they have yours in the palm of their hand, it’s mistreated and taken advantage of.

Disappointment allows you to grow, but it unfortunately is the foundation of a guard you feel yourself start to put up. It teaches you a lesson, and serves as a reminder as to how good your heart is for having hope in the first place, but to also remind you that hoping can be dangerous. People will continuously disappoint you all your life, but you can only work on you and you not giving someone else that same feeling. Keep your heart big, but maybe keeping that guard up, to protect your heart, wouldn’t be such a bad idea either.

Everyone Deserves To Be Loved

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There are people in this world that repress love in all forms. They will unintentionally, or intentionally, push away the ones that love them the most. There are multiple reasons why someone could be doing this. It could be stemmed from childhood memories, or how they grew up. Could be from previous relationships that did not end well. It could be because that person does not know how to love themselves firstly, and is having a hard time expressing a love to another. What I do know for certain though is: Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone.

You could be the kindest person, or one who views themselves as unlovable, but ultimately, whoever you are, you deserved to be loved. And that can be so scary. I know how it feels to feel unlovable. My first boyfriend made me feel invaluable and not special. He made me feel as though I couldn’t do better, but eventually I found my way and I moved on to someone else! Although I’m single now, I know I deserve the best kind of love there is, just like everyone else.

What genuinely makes me sad is when people push away the ones that love them the most. My recent ex pushed me away, for multiple reasons, but linking this post to another, you cannot control the decisions of others, so whatever is meant to be, will be. He still deserves the best kind of love, even if he pushes it away.

The thing is, we’re all scared of love. It pushes you to be vulnerable and to trust someone fully, and that could potentially lead to heartbreak. Personally, I feel very scared to love again. I know how it feels to break so gruesomely on the inside, and I never want to go through that again. I know how it feels to feel the worst kind of disappointment. I know how it feels to wonder why it didn’t work out, and why you weren’t enough. I know how it feels to feel every kind of sadness there is. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to opening myself up to someone new, or to “start over”. It scares the shit out of me actually. And secretly, I don’t want to do it. It’s not like I’m searching anyway; I’m more focused on working on myself to be honest, but when I do run into a new potential love– I know it’s going to scare me. But here I am, reminding myself just as I am reminding you: we all deserve the best and the most pure kind of love there is. A love that does not fail. A love that is full of happiness, sadness, trust, laughter, friendship, strength, and everything else there is that love provides. It will not be perfect, but it will be everything we need. It will be worth the wait..and guess what? When it finally does come, we’ll deserve it!

I wonder

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I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about you all the time and wonder what life has been like for you these past three months. I would be lying if I said I didn’t hate you, or that I didn’t love you. In fact, I would be the biggest liar in Nebraska if I said I didn’t think any of those things.

I do wonder about you…all the time, actually. It’s days like today where it gets me down thinking about how I’m not the one you choose to spend some of your days with. It hurts to think I’m not the one you talk about your days to. And it especially hurts knowing you aren’t my partner in crime, my best friend anymore.

I wonder what your life routine is like now. I wonder if you’re happy, and not the happy you tell other people, but if you’re actually doing good deep down. I wonder if you even wonder about me.

I wonder why you couldn’t be mature enough for a relationship with me. I wonder when you’ll finally realize what you lost, and how much it fucking sucks for me. And I wonder if you even care.

Perspective: the silver lining in every situation

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Take a minute to really understand and grasp the meaning behind these pictures. These two pictures are powerful, and should serve as daily reminders that there is always a silver lining behind every difficult situation.


“Baby, don’t you know, all o’them tears gon’ come and go. Baby you just gotta make up your mind that every little thing is gonna be alright.” Be Alright- Ariana Grande

As creatures of habit, and ones that tend to find little things to bitch about, it is important to start changing your perspective and mindset for the better. Behind every hard situation is something beautiful waiting to be revealed. Take a minute to think of something you have gone through, and now think of why you’re grateful that situation happened.

In 8th grade I went through severe depression. I started counseling, my dad called the principal to see if changing schools would be the best option, and no one understood what was going on. I was in a horrible rut. I cried every day, I had no appetite, I had no desire to go to school, I was confused about life and who I was. I was scared of everything, and it was a horrible horrible time in my life. For months I was like this. BUT the silver lining that came to light was that when I came out of my depression I turned into the most outgoing, goofy, more confident little lady. Looking back, I am so glad I had to go through that to find out who I was. Obviously I didn’t learn everything about myself, but it turned me into a confident girl, ready to take on challenges that did not scare her, and I am so proud of who I was and who I turned into. The flower picture above is what describes this situation most. I BLOOMED after my depression.

I have gone through three break ups. Three heart breaks that were devastating and horrible, where my first two boyfriends really fucked me up mentally and it was so so challenging to get through those. But I learned new things about relationships, myself, what I wanted out of a guy, and re-learned how amazing I was!

“It’s like something has to die to help you realize – damn I feel alive.” Alive – Kehlani


During the hard times, find the positives! I know its hard, trust me!! But once you focus on your mentality, and focus on having a healthier mentality, you are starting the journey to a more positive lifestyle and attitude! Becoming a more positive person takes practice! It’s not a switch that you can flip, but a mentality that takes time to form and deploy in your daily life.

So start practicing! And if you’re going through a hard time right now, please know that there is something beautiful and magical awaiting to be unfolded and discovered. I STRONGLY believe that everything happens for a reason, so please continue on working on being the happy, positive person that you can be, and then life will show you kindness and love back. God gives you what you need, and He shows you what you don’t need. He teaches us these beautiful lessons, and we HAVE to trust Him.

2/1/19 was the clarity I needed

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This weekend did it for me! And before I even explain anything, just know that figuring out what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it, was definitely challenging. I have so much I want to express, and so much I want to share, that I didn’t even know what to title this. But let me just tell you: 2/1/19 was what I needed.

Sometimes after a breakup, you go through so many difficult paths, emotions, and thoughts. This one has been really challenging for me, because when I love, it’s deep and real, and loyal. But it takes awhile to get to the point where you figure out that everything really is going to be just fine without that person! And if they don’t want you in their life, then why THE FUCK would I want them in mine? It’s so simple right? But no person can fully grasp that after a break up.

I can only think of me in this situation and what is going to better MYSELF. During these almost three months, I have chosen to grow mentally, I have chosen to mature, I have chosen to eat cleaner, I have chosen to dedicate myself to the gym, and I have chosen to proceed with moving on. It took little steps, and it also took a freakin’ village, and I am so so grateful for that village of supporters. The difference about me is that I chose to reach out to my support group, and I chose to do what I needed to do to get back to happy Gab. And let me tell you, I am back to loving myself, I am back to being silly and goofy, and I am back to being the cool me that I know that I am.

In the past three months I have been to Denver twice, Florida in December, and headed to LA this coming weekend. I’m healthier mentally and physically, and guess who is looking for jobs out of state?? This girl! Woo! Is that independent enough for you? *cough cough* Guys, I am so excited for the future, and I can’t tell you enough how happy I am about life. It was dark for a bit, and emotions would be going up and down, but I am so lucky!

So cheers to a day filled with happy thoughts, well-wishes, but mainly, CHEERS TO MOVING ON. If you choose to digress, then that’s on you. My potential is unlimited, and I’m climbing baby, so watch the fuck out.


What I’ve been up to the past 3 months!

I’m too good to you

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If I could make this blog a little more like MySpace, I would have ‘Too Good’ by drake ft. Rihanna play as you read this post. Breaking down, and closely listening to the lyrics, it hits home all too well. My whole life I’ve felt unappreciated by various individuals: family, friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. It’s been a familiar and exhausting routine where I do all that I can to be the best version of myself for someone, because that’s just who I am, and I end up being the one who gets hurt. That totally makes sense!

I look back at the various relationships I’ve had during my life and recognize that I’m just too damn nice. This time around, and what I’ve been realizing these past couple of months, I’m done doing all that I can if the energy is NOT reciprocated. I’m 22 years old and my kindness has been taken advantage of, and that makes me want to kick someone’s ass. I look back at some people and think maybe it’s good they’re no longer in my life. YESTERDAY I’m asking God why he has put me through the pain that I’m going through, but TODAY I know why.

Today is about self-reflection, and as always, moving forward. I can look back and confidently say that I did the best I could, I was the best friend I could be, I was a damn good girlfriend, and I can keep living with a smile on my face. At the end of the day, I’m NOT the one with the regrets, but the one who can weed through the negative ones, to find the genuine ones, and for that is one reason why I smile today.

 

So recognize the real ones, and appreciate them, and when you realize who is good for you, and who isn’t- well life gets a little more simple then.