Tag: strength

The Girl On The Left

On By gabriellestroup1 Comment

On 12/15/18 I graduated from UNL with my Bachelor’s. I was the first ever person on my dad’s side to graduate with a degree. This day was very special, and just like any grad, I was so proud of myself of what I had just accomplished.

As much as I’d love to say that I was as happy as I looked in this picture, it would be a complete lie. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud, excited, and beyond overwhelmed by this accomplishment, but the happiness I should’ve been feeling was masked by depression, fear, and a broken heart.

I remember celebrating with my family afterwards and just not being able to get to the happiness level I so desperately wanted to be at. I knew in my head that I needed to put the sadness and depression away for just one day, but no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn’t go away. I remember being so frustrated with how much this sadness in my life affected me. I was so mad that a stupid broken heart was stopping me from enjoying MY day. And honestly, the following months were followed by the same broken feeling.

At the beginning of this year I did everything I could to change all the areas of my life. I wanted a healthier lifestyle, a more positive attitude, to be a better friend, to be a better family member, to enjoy the little things in life, to glow up mentally and emotionally. I even have it written down as my “Lifetime Goals”.

Everyday was TRULY a battle with depression, but when I say a battle, I fucking mean it. What didn’t help was that I was at a job that worsened this depression. I knew that I needed to better ALL areas of my life. This year I lost weight, gained a healthier lifestyle, grew closer to the friends that were healthy for me, got rid of the ones that weren’t, and honestly, I matured greatly. 2019 was a true rough one for me, and I knew I NEEDED to get through it to make me a stronger person overall. I knew I had to push myself through all that life was throwing at me (which it threw a fucking lot, let me tell ya) and just simply get through it.

And that’s my advice: Push, and get through it. Because I knew that once I did, the great things would start happening. As cheesy or cliche as that sounds, the good and amazing things that happened for me were waiting at the end of all the madness.

TO END MY 2019 I:

Applied and got into UNK for my Master’s in School Counseling.

I realized that I was not going to move away from my family as I originally planned. Do you know how many times I applied for jobs outside of Nebraska? They didn’t turn out for various reasons, but I know for a FACT that they didn’t work out for a reason. I am meant to be here in Lincoln….for now at least! I opened my eyes and had to do a little “soul searching” and figure out a plan B. What could I see myself doing? What made me happy? What do I love in life? What am I interested in? And then it hit me. I really love kids, don’t love teaching though, but love being there for others. I love helping, listening, giving advice and guiding.

I also recognize that we NEED more counselors in this world. We need more SUPPORT for our kids! We need more GUIDANCE, and AWARENESS in our schools! I WANT to be that person! I want to make a difference. I want to roam and scout for the kids that separate themselves, who may be getting bullied, who are acting out, who have a hard home life, who just need someone. I desperately want to be the person who helps these growing kids, just how the counselor in my middle school helped me. And that’s how I knew…school counseling is my calling.

GOT A NEW JOB THAT I LOVE

To make this one simple, my old job was deteriorating my mental health. It was a dead end road. I loved my co-workers, but there was just nothing there for me, and it didn’t make me happy at all. I needed to find something that was going to take me to the next level in life. I needed something that I was going to actually look forward to, and was a POSITIVE impact on my life. And there it was, Nebraska Family Dentistry! Just like all my other jobs, it’s so random, but I’m always up for new things, and new challenges. This job has helped me in more ways than one.

GOT MY OWN APARTMENT

Honestly, this is probably something only I’m really excited about BUT it’s been a BIG impact on me, and it really was something that I needed. I’ve been so over roommates, and I’ve been dying for my own space. Ever since I’ve been single, I’ve been working on my independence. I truly love doing my own thing, having my own space, and not having to share anything with anyone. I have truly loved maturing, growing up, and working out life within myself.

This year has challenged me, and has pushed me to grow. I would seriously would not be here if a break up didn’t happen, and I was forced to look in the mirror and figure my shit out. I will always believe that everything is meant to happen. Although there have been so many struggles and obstacles within this year, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

These pictures were taken exactly a year a part. 12/15/18 to 12/15/19. The girl on the left was depressed, heart broken, and so lost. She had no idea what was coming, or what she was going to do.

The girl on the right has finally found her happiness, has found her way, and is FINALLY proud of all of her accomplishments, big and small.

Updates to come for 12/15/20!

This Season

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

I once saw a friend post that another person’s season may be different than your own. You may look at them during a time where all is going well and falling into place. Their puzzle pieces were aligning and finding their place, all while your pieces may still be hidden or jumbled around. This is why you can’t compare your season with theirs, because your season may be one of healing and growth and learning. And it’s hard to tell a definitive way how you start and finish a season, but I’ve decided that today was the start of a new season for me.

This new season is conveniently falling on the first day of Fall and the start of Libra season, which is exactly the sign that I am. I guess I just mentally decided that this long, weird, and confusing chapter of mine needed to end. Although I’ve been trying to find my way, it’s really been a difficult time. Only the closest people to me have known about the bumps. But I’ve always been an open book. So,

This past season I was open and vulnerable with someone so undeserving of it, and I learned that you cannot jump in with both feet before you test out the water. I am way too caring for people who do no reciprocate or even ask how I’m doing/ I do not need to be patient with someone unless I am shown a reason to be. I am continuously on the fence about wanting to move away, but then don’t want to be away from my family. I want to go to grad school, but am not sure if I should. I think I want to become a middle school counselor, but then I think about journalism.

Andddd cue what my therapist would say: focus on one thing at a time.

Easier said than done with someone with anxiety and constant overthinking.

This season

This season I need to figure some things out, but one thing at a time. As I do scroll on the multiple social media platforms and see others moved away, or starting a new career, or getting engaged, or getting married, or getting pregnant…that is their season right now, and this is my season. My season should be about me, about my life, about continuous growth, and becoming more of a better person. I will figure out a path for my future. I will put my foot down to people who are not going to help my journey. I will make this season better than the last.

I reflect a lot, all the time actually, and I’ve made tremendous strides that I think my younger self would be proud of. I have overcome some of the hardest things, mentally and emotionally, and at the end of the day, I know I’m going to be ok. This season is going to better, more enriching, more encouraging, and more rewarding. This headspace is one that is open and positive and ready for continuous progress.

I hope you do not compare your season with others, because it’s your season. Make it what you will. Make your tree leaves change color, fall, and then grow new ones. Make your ice tough and thick but vulnerable at the touch of warmth. Make it rain all day long, but the next be sunny, with flowers growing and blooming. Make your season warm and prosperous, but then appreciate the cool breeze when it comes and goes.

Because it’s your season, you get to decide how and when it comes and goes.

Everyone Deserves To Be Loved

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There are people in this world that repress love in all forms. They will unintentionally, or intentionally, push away the ones that love them the most. There are multiple reasons why someone could be doing this. It could be stemmed from childhood memories, or how they grew up. Could be from previous relationships that did not end well. It could be because that person does not know how to love themselves firstly, and is having a hard time expressing a love to another. What I do know for certain though is: Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone.

You could be the kindest person, or one who views themselves as unlovable, but ultimately, whoever you are, you deserved to be loved. And that can be so scary. I know how it feels to feel unlovable. My first boyfriend made me feel invaluable and not special. He made me feel as though I couldn’t do better, but eventually I found my way and I moved on to someone else! Although I’m single now, I know I deserve the best kind of love there is, just like everyone else.

What genuinely makes me sad is when people push away the ones that love them the most. My recent ex pushed me away, for multiple reasons, but linking this post to another, you cannot control the decisions of others, so whatever is meant to be, will be. He still deserves the best kind of love, even if he pushes it away.

The thing is, we’re all scared of love. It pushes you to be vulnerable and to trust someone fully, and that could potentially lead to heartbreak. Personally, I feel very scared to love again. I know how it feels to break so gruesomely on the inside, and I never want to go through that again. I know how it feels to feel the worst kind of disappointment. I know how it feels to wonder why it didn’t work out, and why you weren’t enough. I know how it feels to feel every kind of sadness there is. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to opening myself up to someone new, or to “start over”. It scares the shit out of me actually. And secretly, I don’t want to do it. It’s not like I’m searching anyway; I’m more focused on working on myself to be honest, but when I do run into a new potential love– I know it’s going to scare me. But here I am, reminding myself just as I am reminding you: we all deserve the best and the most pure kind of love there is. A love that does not fail. A love that is full of happiness, sadness, trust, laughter, friendship, strength, and everything else there is that love provides. It will not be perfect, but it will be everything we need. It will be worth the wait..and guess what? When it finally does come, we’ll deserve it!

Perspective: the silver lining in every situation

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Take a minute to really understand and grasp the meaning behind these pictures. These two pictures are powerful, and should serve as daily reminders that there is always a silver lining behind every difficult situation.


“Baby, don’t you know, all o’them tears gon’ come and go. Baby you just gotta make up your mind that every little thing is gonna be alright.” Be Alright- Ariana Grande

As creatures of habit, and ones that tend to find little things to bitch about, it is important to start changing your perspective and mindset for the better. Behind every hard situation is something beautiful waiting to be revealed. Take a minute to think of something you have gone through, and now think of why you’re grateful that situation happened.

In 8th grade I went through severe depression. I started counseling, my dad called the principal to see if changing schools would be the best option, and no one understood what was going on. I was in a horrible rut. I cried every day, I had no appetite, I had no desire to go to school, I was confused about life and who I was. I was scared of everything, and it was a horrible horrible time in my life. For months I was like this. BUT the silver lining that came to light was that when I came out of my depression I turned into the most outgoing, goofy, more confident little lady. Looking back, I am so glad I had to go through that to find out who I was. Obviously I didn’t learn everything about myself, but it turned me into a confident girl, ready to take on challenges that did not scare her, and I am so proud of who I was and who I turned into. The flower picture above is what describes this situation most. I BLOOMED after my depression.

I have gone through three break ups. Three heart breaks that were devastating and horrible, where my first two boyfriends really fucked me up mentally and it was so so challenging to get through those. But I learned new things about relationships, myself, what I wanted out of a guy, and re-learned how amazing I was!

“It’s like something has to die to help you realize – damn I feel alive.” Alive – Kehlani


During the hard times, find the positives! I know its hard, trust me!! But once you focus on your mentality, and focus on having a healthier mentality, you are starting the journey to a more positive lifestyle and attitude! Becoming a more positive person takes practice! It’s not a switch that you can flip, but a mentality that takes time to form and deploy in your daily life.

So start practicing! And if you’re going through a hard time right now, please know that there is something beautiful and magical awaiting to be unfolded and discovered. I STRONGLY believe that everything happens for a reason, so please continue on working on being the happy, positive person that you can be, and then life will show you kindness and love back. God gives you what you need, and He shows you what you don’t need. He teaches us these beautiful lessons, and we HAVE to trust Him.

Today I Put Myself First

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I’ve been going through a harsh slump, and it’s really really fun. *rolling my eyes* Last night was pretty tough, and I could not quiet my mind. Tears were flowing, and I could not fall asleep for the life of me.


“Oh, you don’t know what sadness means
‘Til you’re too sad to fall asleep
One day I’ll be snoozing peacefully
But surely not today, surely not today”

Not Today -Alessia Cara

Today I did something I’ve never done before, and I chose to put myself over work. I came into work per usual, and at 9 am I was CRASHING. I was contemplating falling asleep at my desk (as if), and knew that it was going to be a rough eight hours if I didn’t do something. I was not about to get coffee, because that wasn’t going to solve this slump or my sleepiness. I decided to go home and sleep for a couple of hours. Yep. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re maybe judging me right now. “Why didn’t you just power through?”,or “You can’t just do that whenever you feel like it.” WELL DUH.

Let me make it clear: I don’t do this. I never want to lose hours at work, and when I was in school, I never wanted to be in class because I knew I could have been making money. I LOVE working and getting that bread. BUT I know myself , I know my body, I know what I’ve been going through these past couple of days, and when your body speaks, YOU LISTEN. So yes, I went home, took a much-needed two hour nap, and you know what? I woke up in a much better mood. My slumpiness was still hovering over my head, but I felt so much better. I felt more prepared to finish my day, and to head back to work. I probably won’t do that anytime soon, but I’m really glad I did it.

Today I put myself first. We cannot always choose work over ourselves, or always choose others over us, etc. Sometimes, we need to recognize our body and our feelings and make the decision to be a little selfish.

Today I put myself first, and it was the best decision I made all day. Choose YOURSELF sometimes, because no one else is going to do it for you?