Tag: moving forward

2/1/19 was the clarity I needed

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This weekend did it for me! And before I even explain anything, just know that figuring out what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it, was definitely challenging. I have so much I want to express, and so much I want to share, that I didn’t even know what to title this. But let me just tell you: 2/1/19 was what I needed.

Sometimes after a breakup, you go through so many difficult paths, emotions, and thoughts. This one has been really challenging for me, because when I love, it’s deep and real, and loyal. But it takes awhile to get to the point where you figure out that everything really is going to be just fine without that person! And if they don’t want you in their life, then why THE FUCK would I want them in mine? It’s so simple right? But no person can fully grasp that after a break up.

I can only think of me in this situation and what is going to better MYSELF. During these almost three months, I have chosen to grow mentally, I have chosen to mature, I have chosen to eat cleaner, I have chosen to dedicate myself to the gym, and I have chosen to proceed with moving on. It took little steps, and it also took a freakin’ village, and I am so so grateful for that village of supporters. The difference about me is that I chose to reach out to my support group, and I chose to do what I needed to do to get back to happy Gab. And let me tell you, I am back to loving myself, I am back to being silly and goofy, and I am back to being the cool me that I know that I am.

In the past three months I have been to Denver twice, Florida in December, and headed to LA this coming weekend. I’m healthier mentally and physically, and guess who is looking for jobs out of state?? This girl! Woo! Is that independent enough for you? *cough cough* Guys, I am so excited for the future, and I can’t tell you enough how happy I am about life. It was dark for a bit, and emotions would be going up and down, but I am so lucky!

So cheers to a day filled with happy thoughts, well-wishes, but mainly, CHEERS TO MOVING ON. If you choose to digress, then that’s on you. My potential is unlimited, and I’m climbing baby, so watch the fuck out.


What I’ve been up to the past 3 months!

I’m too good to you

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

If I could make this blog a little more like MySpace, I would have ‘Too Good’ by drake ft. Rihanna play as you read this post. Breaking down, and closely listening to the lyrics, it hits home all too well. My whole life I’ve felt unappreciated by various individuals: family, friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. It’s been a familiar and exhausting routine where I do all that I can to be the best version of myself for someone, because that’s just who I am, and I end up being the one who gets hurt. That totally makes sense!

I look back at the various relationships I’ve had during my life and recognize that I’m just too damn nice. This time around, and what I’ve been realizing these past couple of months, I’m done doing all that I can if the energy is NOT reciprocated. I’m 22 years old and my kindness has been taken advantage of, and that makes me want to kick someone’s ass. I look back at some people and think maybe it’s good they’re no longer in my life. YESTERDAY I’m asking God why he has put me through the pain that I’m going through, but TODAY I know why.

Today is about self-reflection, and as always, moving forward. I can look back and confidently say that I did the best I could, I was the best friend I could be, I was a damn good girlfriend, and I can keep living with a smile on my face. At the end of the day, I’m NOT the one with the regrets, but the one who can weed through the negative ones, to find the genuine ones, and for that is one reason why I smile today.

 

So recognize the real ones, and appreciate them, and when you realize who is good for you, and who isn’t- well life gets a little more simple then.

“Why God? I don’t understand.”

On By gabriellestroupLeave a comment

Today after the gym I sat in my car and cried. I sat and asked God “why?”; I told him “I’m trying to understand, but I can’t.” I don’t want to get into what I was so upset about, but my relationship with God is rough. I grew up catholic, going to church every Sunday with my mom and my brother. Starting in high school, and definitely after it, I stopped going to church, only visiting periodically. I don’t pray very often, but I do believe. I’ll admit it: I’m a lazy and horrible catholic woman.

So why did I sit in my car and talk to the one person who knows what the hell is going on in my life, after all this time? I really don’t know. I strongly believe that what is meant to be, will be. We cannot understand everything that happens to us, and that is where I fail. I want to understand everything.

I want to question why He takes away certain individuals, and why He makes us go through such horrible pain? So here and now, I accept that I will not be able to understand all that goes on, but will persistently try to keep pushing forward. So the next time you wonder and ask God “why?”, remember with me that we may not ever know, but the plan is in action, and what is meant to be, will be.